How Did This Go Unnoticed?

While I was busy faxing and filing the blogging world was asleep.  Pure embarrassment for those who make this their profession.  Here you have a development to the hottest story in the country and just like the inept fucks you are you let this gem slip right under your nose.  I have a lot of questions with this discovery.  Do these flash at the end of every episode?  Yes.  Are they often hilarious?  Yes.  Did I know about these clandestine Chuck Lorre message before my friend showed me on his DVR 2 hours ago? No.  Needless to say these subliminal messages get me thinking.  Sheen are you gonna let this goodie-two-shoes producer punk you?  Look at him on his high horse with his colonoscopies and psychologist while you are in the gutter banging hot ass hoes and sniffing away your problems in a mansion.  It must be terrible!!!!!   I've said it once and I'll say it again, "If Charlie Sheen is wrong I don't want to be right."

Blind Date: Crash and Burn

So I should have saw this one coming but the blind date was awful.  I only have myself to blame.  The fact I put trust into this matchmaker was the biggest mistake.  It would be unfair to blame the girl in this blind date scenario.  She was a nice enough girl, cute, looked real put together, about three inches taller than me, and 28 to my 24 tender years.  Poor girl was expecting Richard Geere.  Did I mention the blind date was on a Valentine's Day pub crawl in Faneuil Hall?  Super intimate!  Which brings me to the matchmaker with the bunk credentials.  How did you not see this coming?  It's Bush League, I tell ya.  If you claim to be a matchmaker be a great goddamn match maker.  I need a service that will deliver.  So next time I agree to a blind date I need at least 4 written testimonials proving a matchmakers success rate. The loudest one in the room is often the weakest and that holds true for mark ass matchmakers.  Write that down.

ps. Don't go thinking I'm soft.  I got a handy in the bathroom of Hong Kong's form a NEU girl.

Scumbag Steve

Scumbag Steve you lawless fuck.  Making all the Steves look bad with this picture.  So this picture has been going viral and the gist is that people post text on "Sumbag Steve's" picture.  Dudes, name isn't even Steve.  It's Blake Boston.  Where is he from?  Fucking Boston.  Nice fake name ass hat.

Mubarak Steps Down

So sleepy eyes just stepped down and there is pandaemonium in the streets.  Picture a fucking rave except everyone is Muslim and dances like shit.

Turkey vs Chicken

Turkey Club.  Bomb.  Chicken with anything.  Bomb.  So I am in this debate if chicken is flat out better than turkey.  For me Turkey starts to suck when that weird after taste kicks in at the end of every bite.  I can’t have that.  My sandwich game has to be on a whole other level.

ps – My grand parents are WASPY as fuck so don’t tell them I went all chicken crazy.  Republicans eat turkey god damnit. 

First Blind Date

It’s Super Bowl Sunday, “Green and Yellow” or “Black and Yellow” is on some overexcited kids iPod and… BAM!!! You’re at another lame ass Super Bowl party.  That’s how I felt walking into this mess of a situation.  Cut to the chase.  During the game, my friend’s new girl is trying to tell me she is a matchmaker.  Millionaire Matchmaker happens to be my favorite reality show, so I drop in a few jokes and have this Bird laughing everytime I call her Patti.  Blah Blah Blah.  After awhile the girl warms up to me and confesses she catching candid shots of me and emailed them to her friend.   Guess what? BLIND DATE BITCH.  Boom!!!! She got you Stevie.

Fast-forward to now and I ask my self, “What’s really good with blind dates?”  This is my first one, yet many have taken this path before me.  Are there any tips?  Like are dong bags in the wallet the right play?  Have two beers before I go right?  So many fucking questions!  What’s the move when she gives me the ‘ol, “On the first night?” line.  I guess that’s part of the process.  So on Saturday catch me Tweeting about this bitch like she’s on an Ocho Cinco date. Wish me luck.  Defiantly two beers before I go right?